#3

Catholic Summer School For Boys

In the summer ’89 I was eight a half. I was made to go to the Christian Summer School For Boys, which was a two hour drive from home. The principal at my regular school sent a pamphlet for the summer school in the mail to my Mum and because I was driving her crazy, she thought she’d try her luck at sending me there. She’d already spent thousands of dollars on shrinks and I was still mental.

I was told it was “art school for big kids” so when I turned up with my crayons and special art paper, I was a bit surprised to find an army of nuns dressed from head to toe in black.

I made it my mission that summer to seduce every one of those nuns. So, one by one I would do my routine.

I’d run crying into the appropriate nun’s room and I’d wake her from her sleep. I would wear only my undies (they had stars and stripes, no woman can resist stars and stripes undies) and I’d tell her how I just wanted to be good and now that I was away from my horrible mother who would always beat me, that I could feel the presence of Jesus inside me. Then I would tell them that the lack of a nurturing mother-figure had left me warped and that maybe if they would let me jump in bed with them and cuddle, then maybe I would be healed.

That summer I seduced all fifteen nun’s, except for Sister Francine, cause she had a beard and besides, Matthew said she was a dud in the sack.


(From Kiddiepunk #2)